tricia alexander

Tricia's Book of Scraps

2012-01-25T20:14:00.002-06:00

Scrapbooking. When my son was in junior high he had to do a scrapbook project about his life and he titled it "Brandon's Book of Scraps". I love that title. :)

When I was a kid I used to make scrapbooks. Not the kind that most people make now, but the kind where I'd take an album and just glue stuff in. Ticket stubs, photos, notes, funny drawings, and pressed flowers from cute boys.

Then scrapbooking became a phenomenon. There are whole stores just for scrapbooking. Honestly, it was a little overwhelming to me so I never really joined in.

Lately I have been wanting to scrapbook. I have TONS of photos from my whole life that I want to organize. I also have containers for each of my kids with old school work, awards, cards, and other memorabilia. My kids are 25 and almost 17, mind you, so I have A LOT. I really want to make scrapbooks for each of them but man, that can be a big job.

I had talked to my friend Kirsten about scrapbooking and she told me about the method she uses. I like that it seemed focused on the photos and not so much on the bling. Then I heard about Project Life and I was hooked. (it's a lot like the method Kirsten told me about) I ordered the Project Life kit and two of the We R Memory Keepers albums and it's been SO much fun to make my scrapbooks.

I layed out a scrapbook for my son, the 16 year old. I got this much done in just 2 evenings while watching TV. I'm so proud of myself! I have all the pages layed out for each of his 16 years, some are completely done and on some all I have to do is go back and add some photos and write in some memories. I kept several pieces of art or school work from each year.

I also started my 2012 Project Life scrapbook. Here are a couple of pages I'm working on.

I'm really enjoying these projects. Also, I got an app for my iPhone called Project365. You take a photo each day and place the photo on a calendar in the app. You can also write in captions for the photos. I usually makes little notes of what I did that day. It has really helped me with the scrapbook project because I don't feel so pressured to work on the scrapbook every day if I don't have time. If I miss a few days I can go back to the Project365 app and look to see what happened each day. Plus I can print out any photos I have taken on my iPhone! Love it!

I have trouble with not finishing projects that I start and both of these things, Project Life and Project365 have helped me. So far I am sticking with both AND enjoying them. That's the important part, right? Enjoying it and not feeling like it's a chore.

So, tell me, do you scrapbook? Do you have any favorite tricks or ideas you'd like to share? I'd love to hear them!
♥

Ok, I'm Listening

2012-01-06T11:43:00.005-06:00

In December I started trying to decide what my word for 2012 would be. In 2011 my word was "share" and I think I did a pretty good job at sharing more of myself last year.

So, the first word that came to mind for 2012 was Balance. As in, I need more balance in my life. I tend to focus too much on one thing and I ignore other things that are important. For example, I focus on other people and I don't spend enough time taking care of ME. Learning to balance family, health, creativity, friends, free time, etc. as exactly what I need. Then I thought, no, I can think of a better word. Thinking...thinking...thinking... nothing coming to mind so I figured I'd let it go and something better would come to me. Later on, Balance popped back into my head. Surely I could think of a better word, so I mulled over several alternatives but nothing seemed right. So I'll let it go again and come back to it later...

Then Christmas rolls around and I get a bracelet as a gift. No one knew what word I was considering. Inside the box is this card...

Ok, I get it. I'm listening. Finally.

My word for 2012 is Balance.

I hope to live a more balanced life in 2012. I hope to find ways to nurture all parts of me so I can feel more harmony and peace.

♥

Back to warm & fuzzy

2011-12-07T17:54:00.008-06:00

It's December already. I don't know about you, but this time of year is always emotional for me. Good emotional and bad emotional. It's a month filled with excitement as all of our four children make plans to be home. It's the month with my birthday. And it's a month filled with sad memories.

In 2007 we lost my father-in-law just a few days after Christmas. I wrote about it here and here. One post is before he passed away and one is after. Needless to say, every year since then it's been very hard to celebrate to the level that we used to celebrate when he was with us. Finally, after four years, it's getting easier. I guess it just took some time. Dad would be happy for me, he loved Christmas.

SO, I'm feeling warm and fuzzy about Christmas again. And it feels good.

I love when all the kids come home. Our house becomes more alive with energy and sound, with lights, Christmas decor, holiday music, laughter, and voices from having all six of us under one roof. I absolutely love it. It feels good to be excited about the holidays again. This used to always be my favorite time of year and I'm glad the warm fuzzies are back.

♥

Friday Favorites - Kelly Barton

2011-12-02T08:00:00.000-06:00

This week's Friday Favorite is Kelly Barton. Kelly is a super-talented artist with a wicked sense of humor and oodles of style.

I met Kelly in 2009 at a Be Present Retreat and I also got to spend time with her in 2010 at Squam By The Sea. We became fast friends and she is very special to me. Kelly cheers me on when I have doubts and is always there when I need a friend. Her heart is as big as her talent.

One of my favorite pieces hanging in my studio is an original by Kelly. Isn't this just gorgeous?!

Go check out her website then hop on over to her Etsy shop and I promise you will drool over all the goodies!

♥

Where's that girl?

2011-11-29T16:14:00.000-06:00

(fyi...i don't take photos while driving...i was a passenger)

Just the other day I was driving alone in my car and a specific memory popped in my head. It was something that happened over 10 years ago and I was in a situation where I had to be spunky and daring and brave. I had not thought of that particular memory in so long and when it popped in my mind it made me smile, even giggle a little. Then it caused me to pause and think...where was THAT girl? Where was the person who was so brave and daring and fearless? Why am I now filled with doubt and unsure about everything I am doing most of the time? I never used to second-guess myself so much...why do I now?

What is it about time and getting a little older that has made me not sure of who I am and what I want to do? I have done some pretty gutsy things in my life, and now I seem to stop before I even take a chance. Why is that?

This is something I am going to have to work on. I need to keep asking myself, "Where is that girl"? and I need to keep asking until I find her.

♥

Friday Favorites - Mindy Lacefield

2011-11-18T13:50:00.005-06:00

This week's Friday Favorite is Mindy Lacefield at Tim's Sally.

I met Mindy in 2009 at a Be Present Retreat and instantly fell in love with her accent as well as her sweet, sweet spirit. Mindy is an incredible artist and I have enjoyed watching her spread her wings over the past two years. I have several pieces of Mindy's work hanging in my studio...she completely inspires me.

So hop on over to Mindy's website and check out her wonderful art! You won't be sorry you did.

♥

Friday Favorites

2011-11-18T08:00:00.001-06:00

I am starting a new series of blog posts featuring some of my favorite bloggers.

Today's favorite is...

Kolleen and her Heartwing Sisters blog.

I met Kolleen at a "Be Present Retreat" in 2009 and I have to say, she is simply beautiful...inside and out. Kolleen is witty and soulful AND she's a talented artist!, Go check out her blog, she always has insightful questions and she has the best taste in music! I can always count on Kolleen for a smile and terrific new song to add to my music list!

♥

Gratitude Day 15

2011-11-15T17:19:00.004-06:00

Today I am grateful for warm veggie soup on a cloudy, damp day.

I love cooking soup. There is something so satisfying about putting a few ingredients in a pot and simmering the flavors together until they become a wonderful melody of warmth for your tummy. Soup is very comforting to me. Maybe I'll put together a soup recipe book. :)

♥

2-5 of 30 Days of Gratitude

2011-11-05T23:24:00.001-05:00

For the past few days I have been spending time with my family so I did not post each day. I think that's ok. :)

What I am grateful for...

Day 2, Wednesday...Today I am grateful for sweet messages from friends.

Day 3, Thursday...Today I am grateful for some time to just veg-out and watch Project Runway.

Day 4, Friday...Today I am grateful for chilly Friday nights so I can sit in the bleachers of the high school football game, snuggled under my stadium blanket. I love cheering on the football team of my son's high school and watching him perform at half time with the marching band.

Day 5, Saturday...Today I am grateful for my migraine medicine. I woke up with a terrible migraine this morning and the medicine allowed me to get rid of it early so I could spend the day with my hubby.

♥

Day 1 of 30 Days of Gratitude

2011-11-01T09:41:00.004-05:00

I'm doing the 30 Days of Gratitude for the month of November.

Today is day 1 and I am grateful for my studio space. I am lucky to have one room all to myself so I can be creative and not have to worry about cleaning up every day...I can just shut my door if I have works in progress. I'm surrounded by artwork from some of my favorite artists. I'm planning a blog post where I feature the artists I love an admire. I'll show you their work up close when I post that one.

My favorite piece by the fabulous Kelly Barton hangs near my desk.

These cubbies hold a lot of my art supplies.

I get tons of light from just the one window!

My desk is hardly ever this clean!

That's the first art journal I ever made, the one in the middle of the desk.

I adore the paper mache figure on top of my shelf.

My son made that in art class a few years ago.

I love my space.

♥

A New Story to Tell

2011-10-25T13:27:00.004-05:00

This is one of my new journals in my shop.

It is made from a collection of old children's books that were published in 1928. They are well-loved books...you can tell by how worn the edges are. I like to think of all the bedtime stories that were told using these books over the past 83 years. (yes, i had to use a calculator for that one...math...not my thing.) But imagine a book that has been around for 83 years, telling stories. Some people might say I should not have taken the book apart, but honestly, the pages were falling out and the binding had disintegrated. It was on it's way to the trash (along with several others) when my brother-in-law rescued it for me. I like to think that I am giving the book a new life, a new purpose. I hope someone takes this new book and creates or writes all their dreams and thoughts in it...and maybe it will last another 80+ years to tell someone else's story.

♥

Asheville, NC

2011-10-12T17:28:00.009-05:00

Hubby and I had a great time exploring Asheville, NC over the weekend. It's a gorgeous place and the people were SO friendly!

We saw beautiful mountain views everywhere we went.

(We didn't get too many pictures of the mountains since we were exploring the town.)

The weather was so nice, we dined outside under twinkle lights.

We had YUMMY Carolina bar-b-que.

We saw awesome buildings.

We walked on paths paved with bricks.

The weather was gorgeous.

We were sad to fly away.

♥

wire-bound books

2011-10-05T15:47:00.003-05:00

I've been having fun with my new wire-binding machine. Making these little blank books has been a lot of fun and quite therapeutic (i LOVE paper). I'm planning on listing them in my Etsy shop as soon as I have a few more completed. I am also excited to have a custom order for a blank journal with an owl on the cover! Fun!

♥

fall hopes

2011-10-04T15:55:00.003-05:00

I have been neglecting my blog lately. It was looking pretty sad so I thought I would make some changes to make it feel new again. I will be also visiting your blogs more.

After a stressful summer, I am hoping fall will bring crisp air, changing leaves, and some positive productive days in my studio.

I am glad you stopped by and I hope you'll stick around with me as I venture into some new projects. Oh, and comments are always welcome and much appreciated. It's amazing how a few little words can mean so much.

♥

Good-bye

2011-09-22T15:11:00.004-05:00

My last post was about my basset hound, Sugar, and how she became paralyzed. Well Sugar never recovered from her injury and her back surgery. We had to say good-bye to her. I have to tell you, that was much harder than I ever imagined it would be. I still can't go into details about that day and I can barely look at her pictures without tearing up. I miss her so, but I do know we made the right decision.

So Sugar went to heaven on August 16th...the same date that Elvis Presley died. I know she is up there with him sharing a fried peanut butter and banana sandwich as he sings "You ain't nothin' but a hound dog..."

♥

"i miss you, puppy."

dog days of summer

2011-07-30T18:10:00.003-05:00

this is Sugar. she is our Basset Hound and is about 11 years old. last week she jumped down from a loveseat and herniated a disc; she became paralyzed. we took her to the vet and she had emergency back surgery. she is recovering from her surgery. she is home now but she still cannot walk so i spend my days doing physical therapy, massages, administering 4 different meds, and helping her outside to potty. i'm exhausted. it's not how i planned to spend my summer, but sometimes we have to sacrifice for those we love.

here is the story of how we got Sugar 6 years ago. Sugar is my first dog. before her i never considered myself a "dog person". now i can't imagine losing her. she greets me at the door with pure excitement even if i have only been gone for 15 minutes. she lays by my bed when i am sick. she lays at my feet when i'm working. she gives unconditional love.

i hope she recovers fully, but if not, i know i gave her the best care possible. i also know she gave me the most love possible.

♥

music ♥

2011-04-05T19:31:00.002-05:00

decluttering recently unearthed some '80's music awesomeness.

i can't imagine my life without music.

i grew up with 5 older sisters who constantly played music in our room.

i remember being 6 years old and listening to Elton John and CCR.

i knew all the words to songs like "Cover of the Rolling Stone" and "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road".

i also was quite scared by "Knight in White Satin"...that song still creeps me out.

today i can hear a song that i have not heard since i was a kid and i can remember every word.

the songs instantly take me back in time.

as a teenager i remember saving my money so i could go to the record store and buy the new Journey album or the "Micky" 45.

as you can see in the photo, i still have all of my 45's, most in great condition.

i also have all my albums minus the AC/DC album that my teenage son found and now listens to.

i love that...my kids love the same music i grew up listening to.

so just like my experience with my sisters' music, my kids grew up knowing all the words to my favorite songs.

i love music.

♥

new creations

2011-03-21T21:14:00.005-05:00

sharing more of what i'm up to...

...this handmade art journal has lots of ephemera sprinkled throughout the blank pages...

...the aqua cover is from a book that was published in 1964...

...all hand cut pages, all hand stitched binding...

...visit my Etsy shop to see more or to order your own custom art journal. i can even add some of your favorite ephemera to your custom journal, for example hand written letters, envelopes postmarked with your favorite places, greeting cards, maps, poems, ...the list is endless!

send me a message if you'd like to discuss your own personalized journal.

♥

catching up

2011-03-18T15:44:00.004-05:00

Texas Sky

According to my last blog post, I am supposed to be sharing more of myself. But months have gone by since that last post. I haven't been able to express myself very well lately. I feel like I have a lot in my head but it's jumbled. (anyone else ever feel like that?) I am sure if I start talking it will all come tumbling out and not make much sense so I have decided to catch up by listing some things. Lists help keep my ADD in check. :)

I find myself craving a simpler life. This conflicts with my silly sentimental attachment to things.

I have spent the past few weeks de-cluttering our house, redecorating, moving furniture, and re-purposing rooms. God bless house painters!

I now have a room in our house dedicated as my new studio. All moved in and ready to hang art. Loving it!

I am trying to get used to my 16 year old son driving. He (and my car) seem to never be home any more. This has led to me and hubby talking about downsizing/moving some day.

I have let go of a lot of physical stuff and emotional stuff and boy does that feel good!

I have found my place in the creative world making journals. I find bliss amongst the paper and books. Ahhhhhh.......

I need to share more about my journals. This is hard for me.

I have let go of some work I no longer enjoy doing.

I said "no" to a sure thing and "yes" to taking a chance on my creative ideas.

I am trying to adjust to a few new things going on. I don't do well with change. *sigh*

I have found support in some very dear friends. They cheer me on in my creative endeavors and that makes a HUGE difference.

I have been feeling very nostalgic lately over photographs.

I am trying to put myself out there more...any tips on how to do this???

my word

2011-01-17T18:01:00.003-06:00

my word for 2011...

share: a verb

to have in common

to use jointly or in common

to partake, share, partake in

to have, give, or receive a share of

to divvy up, portion out, apportion, give out as one's portion or share

to communicate; share one's feelings or thoughts

this word chose me.

this year

i will share what i have with others.

i will accept my share of all that is good and know that i deserve it.

i will share how much i love and appreciate those around me.

i will share in new adventures.

i will share my burdens and my victories so that those who love me may be a bigger part of my life.

and i will share my story.

sharing what i have will be easy for me but the rest will not be so easy. i tend to be a private person and it's hard for me to put myself out there. i tried and tried to think of another word for this year but this one just kept coming back to me. honestly, it's a little scary for me. i am not good at sharing what i need or what i have accomplished or what i have been through. but i feel this word goes hand in hand with my word from 2010. for me to be completely free, it's time for me to share.

i hope you come with me in 2011, my dear friends...i may need some hand-holding on this one.

♥

2010, my year of freedom

2011-01-05T18:52:00.007-06:00

in october of 2009, at the Unearth Retreat i attended, we did an exercise where we picked a word or phrase to be written on our body. the word i chose was "free". the delightful kelly rae roberts wrote my word on my arm. it really was quite an experience to have that word almost be a part of me.

little did i know that word would become MY WORD for 2010.

2010 brought me a level of freedom that i didn't even know i was looking for. when i told kelly rae my word, i was thinking of freedom from one part of my past, i was not thinking of the freedom from all the things that were really holding me back.

during 2010 i was set free from old useless thoughts that had played in my head for years. i was set free from stifling relationships that were unhealthy. i was set free from trying to be someone i am not. i was set free from searching for the ONE PERFECT THING. i was set free from searching for what i was SUPPOSED to be doing and allowed to do what i WANTED to do instead. i was set free from trying so hard to please everyone else. i was set free and i finally felt at peace.

all of these freedoms did not come at once and they did not come easy. i went through a lot of soul searching. a lot of talks with my sister. a lot of messages with cries of help went out to my friends, and oh how they came through for me. and i experienced a lot of hurt. sometimes it was hard to see where things were going. but i also felt an overwhelming amount of joy. i found understanding in kindred souls. i got support from friends, new and old. i received encouragement from people i barely knew. i was showered with unconditional love from TRUE friends and family who really love ME. all of these, good and bad, led me to where i needed to be. where i am today. free.

thank you, my friends, for being there with me on this journey and for helping me find my way.

who would have known that writing that one word on my arm would be the beginning of a whole year of becoming free.

2010 was my year of being free. i can't wait to see what 2011 brings.

♥

where i've been

2010-11-30T14:55:00.017-06:00

vintage children's book makes a great cover

where have i been? i have been busy finding my place in the creative world. i have been making my handmade journals to SELL. yes, i look the leap and opened my Etsy shop. it's been an incredible ride the past couple of weeks...making journals, listing them for sale, and then seeing people pick their favorite one. i have sold 7 journals. sometimes it's hard to let them go...i seem to want to keep them all. :)

stacks of my art journals, all handmade

i am proud of myself for taking the leap. i am still learning and i am still working on a schedule to keep my shop stocked with goodies. but it's the most fun i have had in a long time. i only have a few left but new journals will be listed next week.

it feels good to put myself out there and be encouraged by friends and family. (more on that later)

SO, if you would like a handmade art journal, filled with drawing paper, sketch paper, canvas, and colored/patterned paper...all blank and ready for you to fill with your own creations, then i hope you will go take a look at my shop TriciasStudio.etsy.com

each one is handmade, by me, using vintage books for the covers. i hand cut all the pages and also hand stitch the binding. using vintage books means you can get some pretty cool cover titles or graphics! each journal also has a library card "due date" pocket inside the front cover...how fun!

OH, and i also do custom orders. you can pick your own favorite colors for the cover and for the inside pages. you can also tell me your favorite childhood book and i can make a journal for you using that cover. for custom orders just send me a message through my Etsy shop and we can talk about what you would like.

this one is on it's way to a dear soul in Martha's Vineyard!

thank you to all my friends who have encouraged me to take this step!

Squam by the Sea

2010-10-26T18:53:00.003-05:00

...sea

sand

new friends

welcome

old friends

art

laughter

hugs

encouragement

yoga

writing

sassy girls

paint

care

journals

giggles

cupcakes

talking

love

love...

(more photos and thoughts to come...)

tricia by the sea

2010-10-19T18:02:00.003-05:00

Mermaid :: graphite, ink, & watercolor :: feb 2000

i leave tomorrow for 5 days by the sea with the lovely judy, mindy, kelly, & jennifer. i can't wait to arrive at Squam By The Sea in Nags Head, NC.

i hope to come back with a warm heart, rested soul, happy stories, new friends, tons of photos, and sand in my shoes.

my adventure begins...

the willow tree and me.

2010-10-04T20:31:00.004-05:00

i wish

i could

create

a fort

under

this

weeping willow

tree.

blanket.

book.

me.

under

the

willow

tree.

under my nose

2010-09-22T17:51:00.006-05:00

Earlier this week I was in our backyard when I noticed these flowers growing wildly around our crape myrtles. I will drive to different locations to look for pretty flowers and trees to take photos of, searching for those perfect shots. Sometimes I forget to look in my own backyard.

Have you ever searched for something only to find it right under your nose? A funny (and embarrassing) story: One day I was working on a design on my computer, I also had a sketch pad next to my keyboard where I would occasionally sketch an idea or scribble a note with a pencil, going back and forth between the keyboard and pencil. At one point I could not find where I had laid my pencil. I could not find it anywhere. I looked under the sketch pad, under the keyboard, in my lap, etc... Finally, getting frustrated, I exclaimed out loud "where is it?!" and as soon as I did, the pencil fell out of my mouth. It was literally right under my nose the whole time. Yeah. That's me.

Sometimes I get so caught up looking for something, searching for answers, trying to find the RIGHT thing, the perfect thing, that I don't see what is right in front of me.

For months I have been searching for what I am SUPPOSED to do. What I SHOULD do. What I think everyone thinks I should do. (Yes, I do tend to overthink things.) Now I know...I am going to do what I WANT to do. Simple as that.

All along the answer has been right here, under my nose, not literally like that pencil...but just as close.

journal making

2010-09-21T13:31:00.009-05:00

what i have been up to...

making journals. :)

real honest to goodness mail

2010-09-14T14:51:00.003-05:00

mail.
i. love. mail.
real. mail.
postcards are my favorite.
some of these were sent to me through "postcards from heaven". it was a wonderful gift from my sister. i love getting my postcards each month and they always seem to come at just the right time. elizabeth is amazing that way.

the other postcard is from an amazing soul i met last year at a retreat, her name is gloria and she is the sweetest. her postcard also came right when i needed it. thank you gloria!

postcards...love them...i may have to send a few back out into the universe...

Our Friday Night Lights

2010-09-03T11:42:00.003-05:00

This is where you can find us on Friday nights. My husband and I joke that this is the only time of year we stay out past dark anymore. Our son plays in his high school marching band. So every Friday night we pack up the seat cushions, put on our red shirts and spend the next several hours sitting in the bleachers watching football, listening to the band play, and yelling at the refs with all the other football/band/cheerleader/dance team parents. Sometimes it rains on us and sometimes we remember the umbrella. It doesn't seem long before the warm nights turn chilly then downright cold. We dress in layers, not forgetting the hat and gloves. We eat concession stand food. We stomp our feet. We dance along with the band. We cheer. This is my favorite time of year.

ahh, summer

2010-08-20T10:35:00.002-05:00

ahh, summer...why did you come and go so quickly?

this seems like a lifetime ago...

bonus love

2010-08-12T15:05:00.003-05:00

created for me by charlotte, age 10

summertime brings my two bonus daughters to our house. all of our children are amazing, we are truly blessed. charlotte surprised me with the artwork above. i love it so much. i was very touched that she chose to make something just for me. i am a lucky mom/step-mom.

my heart is full. ♥

tossing out bras and people

2010-08-10T16:23:00.010-05:00

so, did the title reel you in? :)

this year i have been decluttering.

when i declutter i concentrate on the things i DON'T want, not the things i DO want. i open my closet door and i toss out the shoes that aren't comfortable. i toss out the clothes that don't fit. i toss out the purses that i no longer enjoy carrying. i toss out the old bras that are no longer comfortable and supportive.

so i decided to declutter my life, just like my closet. again, i began to concentrate on what i DON'T want instead of what i DO what. i said "no" to the things i am not comfortable doing. i stopped trying to do a job that didn't fit. i stopped activities that i no longer enjoy. and i let go of relationships that were not comfortable and supportive, just like those bras. :)

decluttering my closet made room for new things if i want or need them. it gave me space to feel less overwhelmed. it gave me a sense of order. less stuff made me feel lighter, more free.

decluttering my life has begun to do those same things. saying "no" and letting go of the wrong job have given me freedom and room for the things i want to do and will do.

i have to admit letting go of relationships that were not comfortable and supportive was the toughest part of my decluttering. throwing out bras is easy; people, not so easy. these were people who i thought loved and supported me but after looking closely i saw this was not the case. even though those people were not adding anything positive to my life and were in fact adding negative to my life, it was still hard to let go.

but i did.

and i feel better.

decluttered is good.

♥

umbrella

2010-08-08T00:27:00.000-05:00

good advice

2010-08-07T15:19:00.004-05:00

phone booths

2010-08-06T16:17:00.001-05:00

i love these phones booths.

imagine

2010-08-04T16:48:00.004-05:00

John Lennon's Imagine, Strawberry Fields, New York, NY

"You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one"

--John Lennon

imagine what we can do if we allow ourselves to dream.

imagine what we can accomplish if we give ourselves permission to succeed.

imagine what our lives would be like without fear or insecurities.

imagine the joy we can spread with kindness.

imagine spreading love instead of hate.

imagine acceptance in place of judgment.

this is what i imagine for my life. for my world.

what do you imagine for your life?

red gate

2010-08-03T13:11:00.000-05:00

pickled pink!

2010-08-01T15:54:00.008-05:00

"pickle barrel building"

august is already set up to be a super busy month. since i am trying to get back to posting more blogs AND i am trying to slow down this summer i have decided to post one photo each day this month. the first photo was not taken in august but it was taken this summer and i just adore this pink pickle building! (click on the photo to see it larger)

summer goals

2010-08-01T10:36:00.002-05:00

in early June i made a list of goals for the summer. now July is over and here is my list and how i am doing so far...

:: Create in my art journal - i did a few pages in June but have not picked it up again since

:: Paint more - i have only prepped a few canvas backgounds, but that's ok because they will be ready for me when i have more time

:: Relax - check! this i have managed to do :)

:: Spend more time with my teen-age son who is growing so fast - check! it's been fun talking to him and just hanging out as a family

:: Have fun with my bonus-daughters when they are here (oh how I crave girl time living with these boys!) -check! we have been shopping, out to lunch, and have watched a ton of chick flicks including Pride & Prejudice! *sigh*

:: Keep taking care of me - this one is done and not so done...i have had pedicures and relaxing...BUT my weight loss is at a stand-still. i have not gained back any of the weight i have lost so i will say "check!" to this one too. :)

:: Enjoy the sun (with sunscreen of course) - this is a tough one. while there is plenty of sun in Texas, sometimes it's hard to enjoy when it's 100+ outside. but i have enjoyed several days of swimming and worshiped the sunshine while on our vacation cruise so i will say this one has been successful...except for that one time i missed a few spots with the sunscreen. ouch!

:: Drink lemonade - check!

:: Paint some more - (see above)

:: Slow down - kind of hard to do with 3 kids in the house full time but this one i am happy to give up

:: Sit on the patio on warm nights - no, WAY too hot, even at night

:: Take the kids to the water park - this we are doing tomorrow

:: Swim - check! in the pool and in the ocean!

:: Read a WHOLE book :) - check! ok, it's a book on journal making but it is a book!

:: Walk the dog - hubby has been doing this, he gets up early early while it's not too hot yet

:: Wear sun dresses - check! bought 6 new ones in all different colors, love them!

:: Put my hair up - check! pigtails and braids

:: Write - not too much

:: Leave the cell phone behind - check! this i did while on our cruise and it was such relief! (hubby kept his on for emergencies)

::: when i started this post i was afraid i had not accomplished much on my list. i felt like the summer was passing me by and i was not taking advantage of the time. but after going through each item i see i have done pretty well. have not had much time to paint and write but i have been doing the most important things on the list, the things which involve my kids.

sometimes i think i am too hard on myself, assuming i am not doing everything i should be doing or not managing my time well. taking time to stop and read my list and look at each goal i had and seeing how i am spending my time makes me realize i am doing just fine. now on to the rest of the summer...

i ♥ color

2010-07-09T14:59:00.022-05:00

"Color has taken possession of me; no longer do I have to chase after it. I know that it has hold of me forever... Color and I are one. I am a painter."
::: Paul Klee :::

"There is no blue without yellow and without orange."
::: Vincent Van Gogh :::

"The purest and most thoughtful minds are those which love colour the most."
::: John Ruskin :::

art, lemonade, and sunshine

2010-06-02T15:06:00.003-05:00

my art journal is going on vacation with me

I know it's a cliche, but time just seems to FLY by. I seem to rush through each day trying to get to the next day. Planning, hurrying, thinking three steps ahead of where I am. I am determined to slow down this summer, pay more attention, and appreciate the small things.

So here are my goals for summer...

Create in my art journal

Paint more

Relax

Spend more time with my teen-age son who is growing so fast

Have fun with my bonus-daughters when they are here (oh how I crave girl time living with these boys!)

Keep taking care of me

Enjoy the sun (with sunscreen of course)

Drink lemonade

Paint some more

Slow down

Sit on the patio on warm nights

Take the kids to the water park

Swim

Read a WHOLE book :)

Walk the dog

Wear sun dresses

Put my hair up

Write

Leave the cell phone behind

It's gonna be a great summer! What will you be doing?

pink love

2010-05-06T15:29:00.010-05:00

i had tried 3 times to create something on this canvas only to have it never, ever get passed that dang ugly stage.

so i put it aside.

convinced i couldn't fix it.

i bought new canvases.

but this canvas just sat staring at me.

being ugly.

i decided to replace the things i didn't like with things i like and put those on the canvas.

i like paper.

i like pink.

i like trees.

i like words.

i like this...

maybe in life we should replace the things we don't like, with things we do like instead.

replace the anger with love.

replace the ignorance with knowledge.

replace the judgement with understanding.

i bet the world would be a prettier canvas.

i'm not listening...

2010-04-29T09:06:00.015-05:00

Have you ever pushed the "ignore" button on your cell phone? It's quite a nice feature, you know.

As part of my people-pleasing personality I usually take calls even from people I really don't want to talk to. I know, it's something I am working on. Anyway, there is one person in particular who's name on my caller ID literally makes my stomach churn. I even get this anxious feeling at the thought of talking to them. BUT I always feel obligated to talk to them when they call. Well this morning my phone rang and that name popped up on my screen. I braced myself and started to answer the phone when next to the word "answer" I saw that sweet little word "ignore". I pushed the "ignore" button and "poof", no more ringing, no more name on the screen, no more phone call. The call did go to my voicemail but that's ok, I can listen to the message or not, I have control over when/if I want to hear what they have to say.

It seems like such a simple act, and yet so liberating. I know it's kind of silly to worry about someone calling me, I mean I DO have control over my life and who I talk to, right? But there are some people who are in my life and for one reason or another I have to communicate with them (for now) but at least I can do it on my terms. At least I can take control of when and how often I have to listen to them talking at me.

It's such a small thing really, but for me it's another huge step in taking control of my life. It's part of my growing up and growing wise and realizing the older I get the less crap I am going to take from others. I really don't have time for other people's nonsense and I refuse to let someone push my buttons when I can push a button myself and ignore them.

So thank you, "ignore" button. I think we will be working together more in the future.

If only there was an "ignore" button for everything in life, wouldn't that be heavenly?

paint & music

2010-04-20T09:07:00.005-05:00

Today I am back in my studio painting and listening to great music, don't those two things just seem to go together?

I love this song. There is also a version by Ryan Adams and one by Tim McGraw which are really great too.

LOST: 13 lbs FOUND: 1 happy girl

2010-03-16T23:30:00.001-05:00

I have lost 13 lbs. Yes, I know, most of you didn't even know I was trying to lose weight. I have been trying for 8 weeks now, actually I have been trying to lose weight most of my adult life but that's just depressing so let's keep to the happy news. For the past 8 weeks my hubby and I have changed our eating habits and started eating healthier. Of course he has lost like a gazillion pounds already but that's ok, like I said, I have lost 13 lbs so far and I am SO happy.

I have not mentioned this before for several reasons. Let's see, we have the whole "afraid of failure" thing and then there's the "embarrassment thing" but most of all there's the "chocolate thing". I was afraid if I say it out loud the chocolate will hear and send it's troops to break down my wall of will power. They have already lined up the chocolate bunnies in our neighborhood grocery store. Yes, they say it's for the upcoming Easter holiday but I know it's to wear me down with their cute yummy chocolate smiles. I know how they work. But I am no longer afraid. I faced down those chocolate bunnies and not one of them ended up in my shopping cart. I rolled right past them and entered the produce section. Yay me!

My goal is rediculously embarrassing so I won't post any numbers here but let's just say this is a journey I will be on for quite a while followed by a lifetime of working to maintain my goal. SO, if one day I seem happy and the next day I am clearly cranky, just keep in mind that while I am doing my body good by not eating the Chee-tos and Coke, it can also be like mourning a couple of dear old lifelong friends. So good-bye Chee-tos and Coke, you are loved but not missed...not yet anyway.

love,
me--13 lbs lighter

LOST: one simple life

2010-03-09T11:34:00.004-06:00

doodling in my art journal

I miss these simple things: hand written letters, snail mail, coloring books, cheese sandwiches, jump rope, cartwheels, pigtails, riding bikes.

A 44 cent stamp brought me so much joy when I received a photo card in the mail this week from a dear friend. What is it about an envelope or package in the mailbox? It's such a special thing, really.

I love designing on my computer. BUT, I miss creating by hand. As a graphic designer I started out (in the mid 80's) doing everything by hand, even drawing type by hand. I miss the days of page mechanicals, acetate overlay, rubylith (or red film), cutting and pasting copies of text (literally cutting and pasting, using scissors and glue - not "Ctrl c" or "Ctrl v") I know, my geeky-ness is showing. So lately I have been sketching and drawing. Finding complete joy in drawing and designing by hand again. Don't get me wrong, I love my Photoshop, InDesign, Illustrator, Dreamweaver, Freehand, and Quark but there's something about picking up a berol turquoise graphite pencil with 6B lead and putting that lead to paper. To me there is better control and a connection to the art that you just can't acheive with a computer screen. I think this is also why I love making collages, I get to use real scissors and glue.

Complex can be good, but simple is better.

I find that we think we want it all when in reality we really need less.

Simple pleasures, less clutter, uncomplicated relationships, pure joy, happy hearts.

What simple things do you miss?

lessons learned

2010-02-06T14:34:00.006-06:00

Jamaican sunset

Some things I have learned lately:

A pictures IS worth 1,000 words

I rarely live in the moment (this is something I am changing)

I don't really NEED sodas, and feel much better without them
It's great to have someone by your side and on your side

Eating healthy is possible and feels good

The later my kids are allowed to stay up, the earlier I want to go to bed

High school band kids are cool

It helps to say it out loud

Long term goals are good

Look for signs but be open

Home is always better
Say something nice
My kids DO listen to me

Let people know what you admire/love/enjoy/like about them

It's ok to be cranky if you admit it

Chai tea lattes are like magic

My spell check does not recognize "latte" ...that's just sad

Good advice is just an email away
Success can be measured in many different ways

I am not alone
Artsy women are the best friends ever!

stockings

2009-12-22T15:03:00.001-06:00

...the stockings were hung by the chimney with care...

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow...

2009-12-02T19:52:00.003-06:00

photo: holly berry bush in our front yard 12.2.2009

Today we had snow in Texas. Of course it was all melted by noon, but it was a nice surprise this morning. Something about snow seems magical to me. Part of it is the way it makes everything look shiny and new covered in white and part of it is that since we rarely get snow here it's like a special gift that is dropped down on us.

I love the snow and cold weather. I love soft snuggly sweaters, sassy knit hats, thick warm socks, and I LOVE scarves. I love lighting the fireplace and feeling safe and warm inside as the wind blows and the snow falls outside.

thankful

2009-11-26T19:04:00.005-06:00

today i am thankful for...

my loving husband. a daughter who teaches me so much. a son who makes me laugh. two bonus daughters who show me unconditional love. a sister who gets me. new friends who encourage me. my husband's ex-wife - she is one of my favorite people...really. a safe home. time to be me. comfy sweaters. mango peach iced tea. blank canvases and paints to fill them. cool weather. charm bracelets. snuggly quilts. fluffy pillows. homemade rolls. a dog that gives me "high fives". dreams coming true. songs that get in my head. adventures to unknown places. yoga. starbucks venti white chocolate mocha. Sharpies. spiral notebooks. movies that make me cry. soft socks. pencils. my oldest daughter when we quote "I Love Lucy" together. faded jeans. inside jokes. sassy boots. song lyrics that make me think. poetry written by the insightful women of the Unearth retreat. ocean views. new beginnings. pajamas. art journals being filled.

Blogger Award!

2009-11-19T12:40:00.004-06:00

I have been given a Kreative Blogger award from this fabulous woman. She is a sparkling soul sent from heaven to make my life a little brighter. Thank you so much Chrissy, and I loved reading your 7 things! (Go check out her BLOG, you will feel her energy just from her posts!)

There are some things you are asked to do if accept this award:

1. Thank the person who nominated you for this award.

2. Copy the logo and place it on your blog.

3. Link to the person who nominated you for this award.

4. Name 7 things about yourself that people might find interesting.

5. Nominate 7 Kreative Bloggers.

6. Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate.

7. Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know they have been nominated.

So...here are 7 things about me:

1. I don't like to cook except when I make soup. I am the Soup Queen!

2. I am happiest when I am creating art with my hands.

3. I was never a dog person until we adopted our Basset Hound 4 years ago, now I ♥ dogs!

4. I am extremely claustrophobic! :(

5. I have 2 careers, I am a graphic designer and a private investigator licensed in the state of Texas (I have even been on surveillance.) :)

6. I secretly wish I were a writer. *sigh*

7. I ALWAYS have a song in my head. Always.

The following are blogs I ♥ and I nominate each and every one of them for the Kreative Blogger Award!

1. Giggling in the Rain

2. Pieces of Me

3. The Bumpy Life

4. The Camp

5. Vivienne

6. Elizabeth

7. Kelly Berkey Designs

To Write Love On Her Arms

2009-11-13T16:20:00.007-06:00

this is a powerful movement.
it speaks to my heart and touches my soul. please take time to visit here.

thank you to the ladies who brought this to my attention. ♥

i think i will leave this on until it fades on it's own...then i might just reapply since i like so much how it feels.

my art journal

2009-11-12T19:19:00.006-06:00

my sister, who is a talented book maker, taught me how to make my own art journal about a month ago. yes, i made the actual BOOK. i am very proud of my journal.
i fill it with writing, doodles, paintings, collages, and memories.

it's a great way to journal. on days where i don't have a lot to say i just paint a picture or draw.

i have loved seeing it evolve over the past month and wanted to share it with you.

i ♥ my art journal!

Veteran's Day

2009-11-11T08:07:00.003-06:00

In honor of Veteran's Day, this is my Daddy ♥.

He was a soldier in WWII. He died in 1984.

I made this collage 2 years ago using copies of important documents from his life and his Army photo.

love lives here

2009-11-10T16:16:00.000-06:00

Our house is a very very very fine house

With four kids in the yard
Life used to be so hard
Now everything is easy 'cause of you. :)

first step

2009-11-08T19:11:00.013-06:00

The retreat I attended last month was the first step in my journey to become what I dream.

Now that my journey is underway I find myself at several crossroads. Most of the pending decisions are exciting and some are things I have always dreamed of.

For the first time in my life there is nothing and no one holding me back from becoming what I dream. That freedom is wonderful and also scary.

If there was nothing holding you back, what would you do?

Or if you are already doing what you dream, tell me what that is.

i won

2009-11-07T21:48:00.005-06:00

In January of this year I entered a "10 word story contest". To enter the contest you had to write a story about a dysfunctional family and you could only use 10 words, no more, no less. The winner received an autographed copy of the book "Janeology" by Karen Harrington. (Which is a great book, by the way.)

I won!

My winning story...

You are worthless. You do nothing right. Please don't leave.

My story won because "the judges thought it represented several relationships they've been in, witnessed or ultimately escaped from".

The contest was an interesting exercise and harder than it seems; I am proud of myself for winning. :)

rock star

2009-11-06T14:41:00.008-06:00

Tonight is the last high school football game of the season. In Texas, high school football is HUGE. I will miss the football games.

We go to the games every week to see our son play the electric bass (guitar) in the marching band. No, he does not march with it, he is part of the front line or the "pit". He stands up front with the giant xylophones and enormous kettle drums.

He was born with a club foot which, after multiple surgeries, has left him with a limited range of motion, a slight limp, and unable to run or walk long distances; therefore, unable to march. Through 18 casts, 8 braces, 3 surgeries, and months of being in a wheel chair and physical therapy (and he is only 14) he just keeps going. Thankfully he can walk and ride his bike for miles. When he and his friends go "walking" around the neighborhood or around town, he slowly rides his bike along side them and they just accept the fact that he has to ride. When he does have pain, he does not complain, he just stops for a minute to rest and then carries on. He never lets his foot slow him down.

When he was born I was worried about him being different from other kids. When he got older I was worried about him not being able to run as fast or play sports. I was worried, he was not. He finds other ways to be involved in activities like being the first ever electric bass player in his high school marching band. He is a trail-blazer. He is his own person who does not care what other people think or say. He is unique. He "non-marches" to a different drummer. He is a rock star!

free

2009-11-05T17:59:00.004-06:00

yes, i am free...free to be me...

Patricia LN

2009-11-04T11:31:00.012-06:00

Welcome to Patricia LN.

My husband said my studio/office was a "scary place". I have to admit, he is sort of right, it is a scary mess, but it's my haven.

It's MY room, a place where I can go paint while listening to music or read in quiet or write.

It's a room full of all my favorite things...

art supplies - paints, glue, paper, exacto knives, drawing boards, pencils
photos
scrapbook supplies
my favorite movies on DVD
my paintings
2 desks, storage shelves, and a light table
my computer
the small red plaid love seat my father-in-law gave me (it reminds me of him, he passed away in 2007 and I miss him everyday)
cool stuff like my cigar boxes or the street sign with my name on it
my antique "Princess" bed complete with quilts and fluffy pillows, the perfect quiet spot to take a nap

I ♥ this room...

orange fun

2009-11-03T13:44:00.005-06:00

my newest collage. i think she is fun. :)

soul sisters

2009-11-02T10:28:00.001-06:00

It seems that most people I meet just KNOW who they are and what they want, I do not. They are driven and focused, I am not. So why does everyone around me seem to KNOW something I don't? Am I the only one who feels this way? I have felt alone. Not alone in the sense that there is no one around me, for I am surrounded by wonderful family and friends, but alone in my feelings. I thought I was the only one who felt unsure of what I was supposed to be doing with my time. I thought I was the only one who felt that now that my children are getting older, what do I do with ME? I thought I was the only one who felt like I had lost myself in the world of being wife, mom, daughter, sister. I thought I was the only one longing for a creative outlet and the freedom to do what I have longed to do. I recently discovered I am not alone.

I met 24 wonderful women at the Unearth Retreat on the Oregon coast. It was a retreat filled with art, photography, yoga, soul-searching, laughter, and tears. I learned that I am not alone. There are other women who feel the way I do, who have a yearning to be creative and confident and set free to do what they most desire. Women who want to listen to the whispers coming from their hearts.

Some of the women I met are already listening to those whispers. Some of them are taking their talents and soaring. I admire those women. Those who are brave and who seem to just do what they want to do. These women show me that I can do it too. I can take my talents and use them to fill that little space nagging inside my heart, nagging to be filled with art and the feeling of freedom.

I have referenced this retreat in several other blog posts but I have never been able to fully express what I gained from being there. I still cannot put into words everything I gained, but I can tell you it was life-changing for me. I know that sounds very dramatic, but it's true. I feel different. I look at people in a different way. I AM different from this experience. I wish I could put it into words. I wish I could tell you what I brought back with me, besides that cute skirt and a groovy necklace, but it's beyond words. I can only hope that every woman, at some point in her life, gets to feel this sense of belonging, love, and acceptance. It's a wonderful feeling and an experience I will never forget.

post-a-day challenge

2009-11-01T12:39:00.003-06:00

My dear sister has challenged me to post something on my blog every day for the month of November. I accepted her challenge for several reasons, one of which is because I am trying to do more things for myself. Making time for ME and the things I love to do, blogging being one of them.

My blog is a way for me to express myself either through writing or photos or posts about my art. I also like to say it's a place for me to put all the things in my head.

So, here we go, a post a day for the whole month of November, whether I have something profound to say or not.

Let's see what happens...

:)

my girls

2009-10-28T13:33:00.001-05:00

these are a result of the fabulous teaching of Kelly Rae Roberts. i had the best time taking her workshop at the Unearth Retreat. she was inspiring, patient, helpful, and oh-so-kind!

2009-10-21T15:42:00.001-05:00

This is my favorite purchase from the retreat I attended. It's by a brilliant, hip, young, artist named Mindy. Thank you Mindy for being so darn talented & cute! :)

bittersweet

2009-10-20T21:14:00.002-05:00

Time slips away, seemingly unnoticed.

I just got off the phone with my daughter who is about to graduate college this December. She is going to a career fair tomorrow and had a question about her resume. Seems like yesterday she was in 4th grade, bounding through the front door with a permission slip in her hand to sign up to play basketball and now she is filling out applications for jobs and sending her resume to the FBI.

It brings tears to my eyes, tears of sadness for the little girl I no longer have, tears of pride for the young lady she is now.

Bittersweet indeed.

retreat

2009-10-19T18:51:00.001-05:00

Spent the last several days at a retreat on the Oregon coast with my sister. It was enlightening. Met a lot of lovely, creative women. Have a lot to think about. Will write more later...still taking it all in...

2009-04-08T13:47:00.002-05:00

finally, a warm sunny day

so true

2009-04-07T14:00:00.002-05:00

Today I was watching "The Bridges of Madison County". I love this movie. This is my favorite quote from the movie...

"When a woman makes the choice to marry, to have children; in one way her life begins but in another way it stops. You build a life of details. You become a mother, a wife and you stop and stay steady so that your children can move. And when they leave they take your life of details with them. And then you're expected to move again only you don't remember what moves you because no-one has asked in so long. Not even yourself."

So so true.

my blog

2009-01-20T14:12:00.002-06:00

Welcome to my blog. I will be moving some older posts over here and posting some new ones as soon as I get this up and going.

This is a place to put the things that clutter my head.

here’s what I’m thinking today...

2008-12-04T04:19:00.001-06:00

I think it's sad that, for me, the most shocking part of the Plaxico Burress gun story was the fact that he wore sweat pants to a nightclub.

I want a friendship like Lucy & Ethel. Someone who will scheme with me.

I love sweater weather.

I hate uncomfortable socks.

41 is too old to be trying to make everyone happy.

Inside jokes are the best.

I like paying compliments to strangers.

Ever since Barack Obama was elected I have a renewed sense of hope for us all.

I think you can have biological parents and still be an orphan.

I am thinking of buying a bicycle.

When I was in 4th grade I wanted a new pink Huffy bicycle; I got an old gray bike from a flea market instead. It did have a cool daisy-covered banana seat.

I like buying underwear because the sizes are so much smaller than your real size.

Every time I find a bra I LOVE they discontinue the style. *sigh*

Mammograms hurt but make you appreciate your boobies more afterward.

Talking to your children can be an amazing learning experience.

It's weird to discover at age 41 that you have ADD.

Nothing beats a Law & Order marathon when you're sick.

I have a closet full of partial outfits. Apparently I have a shopping disorder.

I like when people ask me how I raised such good, responsible kids...but I don't know the answer.

It still freaks me out when I hear AC/DC's "Back in Black" coming from my 13-year-old son's room. That's MY '80's music!

I like to freak my son out by singing all the words to "Back in Black" and "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap". :)

I love tacos.

There is someone who I wish I could "save" but I know they have to save themselves. Yet I still wonder if I have done enough.

I want my home to always be a place of comfort and love.

I will never understand parents who don't love their children more than life itself.

I swear our dog understands EVERYTHING we say.

it didn't take months and it wasn't fried potatoes

2008-01-15T16:15:00.001-06:00

It happened sooner than I said it would. I had told Gary that in a few months I would "forget" Dad was gone and pick up the phone to call him for some reason. You know that feeling, I am sure everyone has experienced it, for one of those brief moments you think of something you want to tell someone, and you forget they're gone.

I had said it would probably be when I was cooking one of his favorite dishes like fried potatoes and I would get the urge to call him and Mom and invite them over for dinner. Dad and Mom always said yes, fried potatoes or not.

Well, it didn't take months and it wasn't fried potatoes. He has been gone for just a few weeks and today I was sitting here working and realized how cold it was getting in the house so I picked up the phone to talk to him about the weather. I always called Dad or he would call us when a storm was brewing or the temperature was drastically changing. Dad loved the weather and was fascinated with anything weather-related. He even once wanted to be a Meteorologist. The weathermen have been saying to expect a cold snap with a chance of precipitation this week so my first reaction when I got cold was to call Dad and talk weather. I got as far as bringing up their phone number on the phone and stopped, realizing that for a brief moment I had forgotten he was gone.

I miss him. I miss the way he said "Hi Tricia" every time I called, even before I could say anything first. He always sounded so happy to hear from me. I miss his big bear hugs that he would give every time we said hello and every time we said good-bye.

There will always be things that remind me of Dad: fried potatoes, weather reports, crosswords puzzles, comic strips, banana pudding, painting, replacing electrical outlets, my BMW sign. I will never forget how happy he was for us when we bought our house or how hard he worked helping us paint. I will never forget all the summers at their house in the pool. I will never forget the holey t-shirts he wore even though he could afford new ones or the piles of papers on his desk. (We kept identical offices; piles of stuff but we both knew where everything was.)

Most of all I will never forget the respect and adoration he had for Mom or the love he showed his children and grandchildren. In dad's vocabulary there were no "daughters-in-law", only daughters; and there were no "step-grandchildren", only grandchildren.

After picking up the phone and realizing what I had done, I cried. Then I got myself together and called Mom to see how her day is going. I am so blessed to have these parents I never had.

It's easy to forget he is gone. It's hard to believe he is gone.

I am sure there will be a lot of those moments when I forget he is gone because he will always be there gently tugging at my heart when the smell of fried potatoes fills the room or when the wind kicks up a storm.

life goes on

2007-09-08T11:23:00.001-05:00

No matter what happens in your life, no matter how horrific, no matter how much it feels like the world is tilting on it's axis, there is one thing that never changes, life goes on. My father-in-law has cancer. For some reason I don't like referring to him as my father-in-law. That phrase does not seem to convey how much he means to me. I call him "Dad". He is the father my Daddy never had the opportunity to be because my Daddy died when I was 17 years old. I think my Daddy (Harvey) and my Dad (Jack) would have gotten along really well. They are very similar in my mind. Both retired military men and both very compassionate and caring. Our world stopped one week ago with the news of Dad's illness. Work stopped. Errands stopped. Cleaning and laundry stopped. Being carefree stopped. But life kept going on. Work piled up, dust and dirty laundry piled up. The dog still needed to be taken out. The kids still needed to go to school. We still needed to work. Groceries still needed to be bought. Gas still needed to be put in the cars. Inspection stickers still expired on the cars. The mail still came. The air conditioning still broke. The grass still grew taller. How can your world stop yet life keeps moving forward? It's hard to live with all the uncertainty and the new responsibilities and yet still keep moving to keep your life and household on track, all the while fighting back the tears that keep coming to the surface. Tears. I cannot believe I have any left inside me yet they still show up when I least expect them. I try not to cry in front of Mom or Gary. I fight back the tears when I see Dad in the hospital bed with his head half shaved and the huge scar I was not prepared to see. I fight back the tears while reassuring Kristen and Brandon that "Papa" will be all right. I know it's best to cry and let it out, but sometimes you have to wait for the sake of others. So I wait...

music?

2007-04-24T13:05:00.004-05:00

I am sitting here updating a web site and listening to Fleetwood Mac on my iPod, singing along with Stevie Nicks, being on the edge of 17... Ooo, ooo, ooo.

That song ends and another one begins.

I am not even sure how it got on my iPod. I hear it come on and almost pass it over because I don't recognize it but instead I think, "I love music, let's listen to this and see what it is."

Now I am not a TOTAL '80's geek, I do have some current artists, I have Goldfrapp, Gnarls Barkley, Spoon, Joss Stone, to name a few... but this next song I don't get.

It seems to be about riding in a car? And it's by someone named Chamillionaire? I do say I have to give him/them credit for creativity when it comes to their name, that did make me chuckle, but the song...I just don't get. Apparently he is riding, swinging, playing his music loud, has a pistol, and a Play Station controller. I think at one point he says he wants to stop pollution? There are several breaks in the song so it appears I have a "clean" version, thank goodness. *sigh*

"They see me rollin', they hatin', patrollin', trying to catch me ridin' dirty."
--Chamillionaire (??????????????????????????????????????????)

The Carpenters just came on...Rainy Days and Mondays...now there are lyrics I understand.

FYI AT&T

2007-04-04T13:01:00.002-05:00

To the lady who took my repair request, I know you heard the static on my line. Everyone I talk to hears it and I doubt it stopped just for you, the reason I doubt this is because I could hear it as we spoke.
No, I will not unplug my phone and take it outside and plug it into the switchbox which is located (in your words) "somewhere on a pole near my electric meter". That is your job AND I don't mess around near power lines.
Yes, I tried another phone/jack in the house and yes, the static is still there. I am not an idiot.
"Some time between 8:00 am and 8:00 pm" is NOT an APPOINTMENT, that's called a DAY.
Yes, you can reach me at my home number, now whether you can actually HEAR me or not, that's another question.
Thanks for the call telling me the "cut phone line" in our neighborhood was fixed and that my phone service was now restored and back on. Too bad that (A.) the phone line was cut that morning and our phone has been messed up for a week, and (B.) our phone was never completely out of service.
No, my name is NOT "Tickle Alexander". It's TRICIA Alexander, who the hell has the first name "Tickle"?

whYMCA?

2007-03-07T11:00:00.001-06:00

It's time to get into shape. Actually it's passed time.

I decided to look into joining a gym so I can start to work out and get healthy. Ok, so let's go check out some gyms.

First I visit Curves. You've seen the commercials for Curves. A group of women exercising together, chatting, laughing, having a great time. Looks fun, right? Here is how my visit went. I walked in and several women looked at me like I was an alien. Did I forget to get completely dressed before I left the house? What? Finally the "director" said, (from across the room) "Can I help you?" Not exactly the warmest welcome, but ok. I responded with "I would like to get some information please?" She extracted herself from the all-engrossing project she was working on, which involved markers and a poster board, and came over to me. She introduced herself as Wanda. She asked me questions like, "Do you have an exercise program now?", "What brought you in today?" blah, blah, blah… Finally we sat down at a table while she took down lots of personal information, my name, address, phone number (which I later regret giving), height, weight, goal weight, married, how long married, how much did I weigh when I got married??? <---this one perplexed me a bit. I am sure she was about to work that information into her angle, her sales pitch, her spiel, something like "Well let's get you back down to your wedding day weight!" but I think I threw a wrench into her plan when I said I weighed exactly what I weigh now when I got married. She looked at me as if she had NEVER heard that answer before. Maybe she thinks chubby girls don't get married. Sorry, Wanda, we do. Now I could have told her that at my first wedding I weighed 130 lbs, but I didn't. That look she gave me was priceless and the stammering that followed as she tried to "rework" her angle was quite entertaining so I kept that part of the story to myself.

Wanda goes on to explain the "Curves" program and I get to watch a group of ladies already working out. Looks simple, kind of boring, but probably effective. Most of the ladies were well over age 60. I tried to keep an open mind, honest I did, but watching those 6 women work out in that circle and chatter with each other made me wonder if this was the right place for me. What if I didn't feel like chatting one day? We had to be in a circle facing each other, would it be awkward? Would I avoid going to work out on days I wasn't in the mood to discuss the latest episode of Oprah? Believe me, I did not need any excuses to not go workout; this is going to be hard enough as it is.

I continue to listen to Wanda until she tries for the "hard sell", telling me about various discounts and specials. I tell her I am not making any decision today and that I have a couple of more places I want to visit first. Well Wanda wasn't satisfied with that answer, if I am not ready to join today, then when? When will I make my decision? Can I give her a specific date? No, no specific date, just not today Wanda. I finally get out of there. I get into my car and laugh a little as I look up and see a Papa John's Pizza right next door to Curves. Now that's just mean.

Next on my list is 24 Hour Fitness. Now that's intimidating. I sat in my car for at least 15 minutes before I got up the nerve to go inside. Once inside it wasn't bad. No one pointed me out or told me I was in the wrong place. There was no gawking or whispers about the chubby girl in the gym.

I met with Scott. Scott is some sort of trainer/sales guy who looks like every jock I have ever known. He actually looks like "Jack" from "Lost" for those of you who know the show. He was nice, a little pushy with the vast display of "special" vitamins they sell but once I told him I wasn't interested he moved on to other parts of the gym. He took me on a tour. They have lots of cool machines and classes. He said he could set me up with a personal trainer. I asked him about the different trainers and how he knew who to put with which trainer. He said he was pretty good at judging that, for example, he would not put me with anyone who was too harsh. I told him that was a good call, I didn't want anyone who would yell at me like a drill sergeant and make me cry.

Not a bad experience, normal tour, and standard taking of the personal information, including phone number (which I later regret giving). It was a little "pump (clap) you up" for me, but all in all it was a good visit, nice people, nice facility. I left feeling that it MIGHT be ok for me, better than Curves.

As you can imagine I heard from Wanda and Scott A LOT the next several days.

Last on my list was the local YMCA. Now I have to admit, I was a little skeptical. You know, the whole Village People stigma. Plus with the way I get songs stuck in my head I wondered if I would ever hear another tune again.

First Gary and I visit and take the tour with a nice lady named Gloria. Realistically this made a lot of sense because we could join as a family. Very nice place, casual, laid back, no scarily skinny people in spandex, just a gym full of normal looking people, all ages wearing gym shorts and sweats. They even have a kid's workout room complete with a video game attached to an exercise bike that only works when the bike is being peddled. Brilliant. We decide to think about it and tell this to Gloria. No pressure, no hard sales, no personal information taken, no vitamin pushing. Just a nice lady giving us a tour, all the printed information to take home, and a friendly wave "good-bye" as we left. Refreshing.

The next visit to the YMCA consisted of Brandon and me. I wanted him to see the kid's weight room and see if it was something he might like to do. We met with a personal trainer who eerily resembled Leather Tuscadero. At first she was a little frightening in a kick-your-ass sort of way but turned out to be rather nice. While Brandon was shown the weight room by Leather, I walked on the treadmill. All in all it was again a good experience. All of us can go, even the 3 girls when they are here.

Of all three places I visited I like the YMCA the best. It's family oriented, the staff is nice, it's very flexible, and offers everything we need. Now the other places may be right for someone else but they're just not for us.

I think we are joining the YMCA. We may even hire Leather as a personal trainer.

where is Santa going? (not for the faint of heart)

2006-12-11T12:39:00.001-06:00

Well, it has happened. My baby no longer believes in Santa Claus. It makes me catch my breath a little. Ok, so he IS in the 6th grade and probably didn't believe last year either, but now it's official. He told me so.

We were sitting down at dinner tonight and the subject of Santa came up. Brandon, got a funny look on his face and I said "What? You don't believe in Santa?" He looked at me in this sad "oh poor, poor mommy" way, like he just couldn't bear to break my heart and slowly shook his head "no".

I asked him how he was so sure Santa wasn't real and then the next shock hit me...his reply was something I could have never ever in my life dreamed I would ever hear. He said....oh, this is so hard....he said...."I Googled it."
"You what?" I asked.
"I Googled it." he said.
"What do you mean, you Googled it?" I said, half laughing, half disbelieving what I am hearing. He told me he Googled "Is Santa Claus Real?". I asked him what came up on Google and he laughingly said "It said "How to tell your children Santa isn't real".

I tried to salvage it. I tried to say "if you believe, then it's real" and "I believe in Santa", but the look I got back from him was the same "poor, poor mommy" look. It was too late. He is almost 12 and there is no going back.

So there ya go. Santa Claus is one step closer to being gone from our house. We do still have Natalie and Charlotte, but Brandon has informed me that he and Natalie discussed the possibility of Santa's existence last year and both found it hard to believe. I think that means Natalie is leaning on the non-believers side also. Charlotte is only 6 so we get to keep it up for her. I did tell Brandon that he is not allowed to even breathe a word of this to Charlotte. He understood.

So once Santa is gone from our house, what do we do? Santa is exciting, fun, and magical. The stockings, the reindeer food, the boot prints, the cookies & milk, the jingling bells, the Ho Ho Ho's, the letters, the secret presents that appear overnight, the family game that Santa buys us each year because he wants us to spend more time together; what do you do with all of these wonderful things?

Personally, I am going to miss Santa. Because I believe in the magic and joy he brings. Santa Claus was one of the few normal and wonderful pieces of my childhood. He managed to bring magic and excitement to even our home and anyone who can do that has to be real. Therefore, I will always believe in Santa Claus.

we are NOT getting a dog today

2006-11-05T02:00:00.003-06:00

Last year a discussion began about getting a dog. My son really, really, really wanted a dog. He even had a name all picked out for his new puppy; Buddy. He wrote out a list of things Buddy would need and posted it on our refrigerator. He talked about it all the time.

Gary and I discussed it at length. We researched different breeds of dogs. We read about beagles, terriers, and dachshunds. We talked about buying a puppy vs. adopting an adult dog. We talked about who would walk, feed, brush, clean-up after the dog, IF we got one. We researched breeds some more. The discussion continued…we had to make sure we were ready to own a dog before we got one.

Out of curiosity I looked online at dogs that were available for adoption. Browsing through the many doggie personal ads I saw some really cute dogs that needed homes. I sent Gary an email containing links to a few cute dogs just to show him what I found. One ad was for a terrier, one ad was for a "mutt", and one ad was for a female Basset Hound named "Sugar". Gary emailed me back and casually commented that he liked "Sugar". These dogs I found were from different shelters in the Dallas metroplex, all listed on a "dog finder" web site. We chuckled at the pictures and the doggie descriptions and really didn't give it much more thought; after all, we still needed to do more research.

Then, one day in October 2005 we were out running errands. Our son wanted to spend the night with his cousin so I called my sister to find out when they would be home so we could drop him off at their house. Well after a few missed connections I finally got in touch with her. She was at a Petsmart looking at puppies that were up for adoption. They were getting a puppy and it was taking longer than she expected so I volunteered for us to just meet them at Petsmart and drop our son off there. "Ooooo, we can look at the puppies!" he exclaimed. Immediately Gary responded with, "We are NOT getting a dog today." I absolutely agreed. Our son said, "Ok."

We arrived at Petsmart. In front of the store were several kennels containing adult dogs available for adoption. There were lots of people milling around looking at the dogs. I briefly scanned the crowd for my sister and her kids and didn't see them. I walked up to the kennels just to take a peek at the dogs. We are NOT getting a dog today. I am just going to LOOK. I walk by one kennel and it's a cute black lab-looking dog wearing a bandana. He's cute but kind of big. Plus, we are NOT getting a dog today. The next kennel contains a short-haired mix; he's cute too and also wearing a bandana, but you know, we are NOT getting a dog today. In the next kennel is a brown and white Basset Hound. She's cute…wait a minute, I KNOW this dog. I turn to Gary and say, "It's SUGAR! It's Sugar from the dog finder web site." He says, "How do you know it's her?" I say, "I just know it's her!" I quickly turn to the man in charge and ask him the dog's name. He says, "Sugar". I look at Gary. How can we not take her home? Of all the dogs up for adoption on the internet, of all the dogs that COULD have been at that Petsmart on the same day we just happened to be meeting my sister there, what are the chances we would run into "Sugar"?

We got a dog that day.

my place on myspace

2006-11-03T12:26:00.001-06:00

Ok, so one of my dear friends hounded...uh...encouraged me to put up a MySpace page. (You know who you are.) I hesitated at first because I thought "I'm too old for MySpace". The stories I hear are all about teen-agers who put up these pages to write stuff they shouldn't and to keep up with their "peeps". Is it even hip to say "peeps" any more? Ok, I don't care...I like the word, it's fun. Back to my original thoughts...so at first I am thinking "I am too old to be here", but then I think "wait a minute...my dear persistant friend is the same age as me and she has a MySpace page so why can't I?"

So there I am, I fill out the little registration form, I log in, and I start putting my page together. I get a few things posted, have a few friends on my list, play around with backgrounds, add a few pictures and I am thinking "wow, this is kinda fun."

Then I have a thought..."I wonder what other women my age are putting on their pages?" So my curiosity gets the best of me and I go on a search. I put in the criteria: female, age 38-41, married; that should be enough info...I hit "enter". WOW, I was not prepared for what I saw. Women my age are daring, wild, out-going, partying, crazy, and yes, even a little scarey. My life seems so tame after reading about their's.

Who knew all this stuff was going on outside my little world of picking up my son from school, taking the dog to the vet, watching Grey's Anatomy, having lunch with my sister, going to the movies with my husband, and sitting at my computer everyday designing the perfect marketing postcard. I don't mean to sound envious because I'm not. I am happy with my world. I was just surprised to see how different we all are. How each person's life is unique, and I have to say I am a little happy to see that no matter what, people are living their lives how THEY want, not following some cookie-cutter plan.

So to all you age 39+ women out there who are putting on the spike-heeled leather boots, downing Jell-o shots, while juggling flaming torches, more power to you! As for me...I think I will stick with my own juggling of 6th grade violin concerts, checking homework, cooking meatloafs, meeting a deadline for a client, while chasing the dog after she just ate a corny dog...stick and all.